Have you ever found yourself overreacting to a small frustration—maybe snapping at a loved one, shutting down completely, or feeling deeply hurt over something minor? And then later, you wonder, Why did I react like that? The truth is, many of our emotional responses as adults are rooted in childhood experiences. Without even realizing it, we sometimes react like the children we once were.
Why Do We React Like Children?
At our core, we all carry emotional imprints from childhood. Whether it’s the fear of rejection, the need for validation, or the deep desire to be seen and heard, these early experiences shape how we respond to situations as adults.
Unmet Childhood Needs
If, as children, we felt ignored, criticized, or not good enough, those wounds can show up in adulthood. For example, if we were often told to “toughen up” or “stop crying,” we might struggle to express our emotions in healthy ways today.
Fight, Flight, or Freeze Responses
When something triggers an old wound—whether it’s a dismissive comment from a partner or being left out of a social event—our nervous system can go into survival mode. Just like a child who feels helpless, we might lash out (fight), withdraw (flight), or shut down emotionally (freeze).
Patterns We Observed
As children, we learned how to react by watching the adults around us. If we grew up in an environment where anger was explosive or emotions were suppressed, we may unconsciously mirror those patterns.
Why Do Our Children React the Same Way?
Children don’t have the emotional regulation skills that adults do. When they experience disappointment, fear, or frustration, their reactions are raw and immediate—crying, yelling, withdrawing. But here’s the challenge: when we haven’t healed our own childhood wounds, we can struggle to guide them through their emotions effectively.
For example, if we were taught that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, we might dismiss our child’s tears instead of helping them process their feelings. If we grew up in a home where mistakes were criticized, we might unintentionally place high expectations on our children, repeating the cycle.
Why Healing Matters
Healing isn’t just for us—it’s for our children too. When we do the work to understand our own triggers and reactions, we create a healthier emotional environment for them.
Breaking the Cycle
Our children learn emotional regulation from us. When we respond to situations with patience, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence, we teach them to do the same.
Creating a Safe Space for Growth
A healed parent can hold space for a child’s big emotions without becoming overwhelmed. Instead of reacting with frustration, we can offer understanding and guidance, helping them develop emotional resilience.
Healing Generations
When we work through our past wounds, we don’t just heal for ourselves—we heal for future generations. Our children will grow up in a home where emotions are acknowledged, feelings are validated, and self-worth isn’t dependent on perfection.
How Do We Start Healing?
Notice You’re Triggers – Pay attention to the situations that make you react emotionally. Ask yourself, what does this remind me of?
Practice Self-Compassion – Be kind to yourself. Healing is a journey, not a destination.
Allow Yourself to Feel – Just as we tell our children it’s okay to feel sad or frustrated, we need to allow ourselves the same grace.
Seek Support – Whether through books, therapy, or deep conversations with trusted friends, healing happens in connection with others.
The Gift of Healing
When we heal, we don’t just change our own lives—we transform the way we parent, the way we love, and the way we navigate the world. Our children don’t need perfect parents; they need parents who are willing to grow, learn, and heal.
And maybe, in the process, we finally give ourselves the love and understanding we always needed, too.
