Yes, we know you love them. Yes, you send them. No, we’re not judging. (Much.)
Welcome to the page no one asked for... but everyone secretly enjoys. You’ve shared them in car rides, at the dinner table, and in the group chats — and now, they’ve made it into the magazine.
Whether you're groaning, giggling or pretending not to laugh, one thing’s for sure: dad jokes have earned their place in the school hall of fame. So sit back, roll your eyes, and enjoy the wonderfully pun-ishing humour that only a true dad joke can deliver.
What kind of shoes to frogs wear? Open-toad sandals.
I just built an ATM that only gives out coins. I don’t know why no one’s thought of it before: it just makes cents!
What happened when two slices of bread went on a date? It was loaf at first sight.
I had a quiet game of tennis today. There was no racket.
What's a shark's favourite saying? "Man overboard!"
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race? You're toast!
Why did the electric car feel discriminated against? Because the rules weren't current.
What's the best way to save your dad jokes? In a dadda-base.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.
What do you call a French man wearing sandals? Philipe Fallop.
Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they're extinct.
I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
Why should you never take sides in an argument at the dinner table? Trick question. It's the perfect time to take sides because no one's paying attention. Bring Tupperware.
Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie.
Where do rainbows go when they've been bad? To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they've done.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.
I'm so upset—my barber said he can't cut my hair any longer. He can only cut it shorter.
What do mermaids use to wash their fins? Tide.
What did the skillet eat on its birthday? Pan-cakes.
I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes.
How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry.
What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
Which vegetable has the best kung fu? Broc-lee.
Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump.
I was going to try an all almond diet, but that's just nuts.
I was raised as an only child. It drove my sister nuts.
Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
My dog just ate a R200 note. I guess he has expensive taste.
What did the cow say to the leather chair? "Hi, Mom!"
Hard work pays off later. Laziness pays off now.
My resume is a list of things I hope I never have to do again.
Why did the social media manager break up with her boyfriend? Lack of engagement.
I threw a boomerang months ago. Now I live in constant fear.
A woman passed out on the merry-go-round. She's coming around.
I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
I tried to make up a joke about ghost but I couldn't. It had plenty of spirit but no body.
Dad: What is the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue? Me: I don't know. Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna. Me: What about the pot of glue? Dad: I knew you'd get stuck on that. (Our Favourite one!)
Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, "Do you have a favourite song?" The other replies, "Well... all my life I have been a heavy metal fan."
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.
Hi, I’m Cliff. Drop over sometime.
Did you hear about the guy who went to the doctor for a headache? The doctor examined his ear and found money. The doctor kept pulling and pulling it out until he had R2000. Then the doctor said, "No wonder you're not feeling two grand!"
Dad, when he puts the car in reverse: "Ah, this takes me back."
What do you call the security guards for Samsung? Guardians of the galaxy.
The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no word to describe how angry I am.
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when i was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone. He said, “Fine, suit yourself.”
Why did the egg have a day off? Because it was Fryday.
I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2.
Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it was ground just a few minutes ago.
What is the best present? Broken drums! You can't beat them.
I made song about tortilla once, now it's more like a wrap.
Did you hear about the fragile myth? It was busted.
What word can you make shorter by adding two letters? Short.
What do call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator? Don't hate me because I'm a little cooler.
What do you do to have a space party? You planet.
Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer? Because he could not log on.
What's a skeleton's favourite type of road? A dead end.
How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.
What did Elvis say to his landscaper? Thank you for the mulch!
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out!
The other day I was attacked by a bunch of circus clowns in a parking lot. I won though, because I went right for the juggler.
I'd like to shout out sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.
How does Vin Diesel keep in touch with the Fast and Furious crew? On a Zoom call.
How much does a chimney cost. Nothing, it's on the house.
How do you make 7 even? Take away the S.
Why is sausage bad for you? It brings out the Wurst in people.
What's an astronaut's favourite board game? Moon-opoly
Have you seen those traffic circles or driven around them? Well, they are pointless.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The P is silent.
What’s a dog’s favourite super hero? Labra-Thor.
I was walking down the beach when I heard a swimmer yelling for help with a shark circling him. I just laughed....I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
What do you say when a chicken is looking at salad? Chicken sees a salad.
You are on a horse riding full gallop. Next to you is a giraffe at full gallop, and behind you is a lion on your tail. What do you do? Get off the carousel.
I have a horse named mayo, and mayo neighs.
What family does the zebra belong to? Can't say, none of the families in our neighbourhood owns a zebra.
