Welcome to the page where eye-rolls are guaranteed and the puns are proudly cheesy! Whether you're a dad, know a dad, or just appreciate the fine art of a terrible joke, you've come to the right place. These jokes may be cringe-worthy, but that's the point — and let’s be honest, we secretly love them. So sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh (or groan) your way through some classic dad humour!
I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.
The first thing Santa's elves learn in school is their elf-abet.
Ghosts are bad liars because you can see right through them.
Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
All vampires keep their money in a special place—the blood bank.
The pony couldn't sing because it was a little horse.
RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it's just a bug that's going around.
I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming.
I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap.
When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.
How does a hurricane see? With one eye.
Where do polar bears keep their money? The snow bank.
What's a tornado's favourite game? Twister!
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
"Did you get your haircut?" No, I got them all cut.
I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon-aid.
What did the nose tell the finger? Stop picking on me!
What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A lamborghini.
What key is used to open bananas? A mon-key.
How do you talk to a giant? You use big words!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What's a sea monster's favourite lunch? Fish and ships.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why are pigs so bad at sports? They always hog the ball.
Why couldn't the dad help his son put his shoes on? They weren't the dad's size!
Why do parents always say, "Because I said so?" "Because science" isn't always a good enough explanation.
My kid told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
What parenting style do dads like best? Improvising!
I told my kids to stop playing with their food. So they started playing with their plate instead.
What did the drummer call his two daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
Honey, stop looking for the perfect match… use a lighter.
We have the perfect dad-son relationship. You're my son, and I'm perfect!
I've been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it's better than sitting around doing nothing!
Why do dad feel the need to tell such bad jokes? We just want to help you become a groan up.
Some days you question your parenting. Other days, you have to question your child's childing.
What does the dad diet consist of? All of the foods his kids can't finish.
If being a parent were a job, I'd be the CEO of chaos management.
How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.
