Over the years, the relationship between parenting and schooling has changed. Our children spend more time at school than ever before, and it’s easy to assume that schools should handle not just education but also upbringing — manners, respect, responsibility, and values. But the truth is, no school can replace parental guidance.
Think about it: Who teaches your child table manners, how to deal with conflict respectfully, or how to manage screen time? These aren’t academic subjects; they’re life skills. Yet increasingly, schools are expected to manage these areas because kids spend so much time in classrooms.
Why Schools Alone Can’t Do It
Examples where schools are expected to fill gaps include:
- Manners and respect: Saying “please” and “thank you,” greeting adults properly, waiting their turn, apologising when they hurt someone.
- Conflict resolution: Handling arguments with peers, sharing, or dealing with disappointment without creating drama.
- Digital responsibility: Using phones appropriately, understanding cyberbullying, and knowing when to ask for help.
- Self-discipline: Managing homework, following routines, and taking responsibility for choices.
While schools can teach and reinforce these lessons, children learn primarily from what they see at home. If they watch parents constantly on their phones, lose their temper over minor issues, or ignore manners themselves, children are more likely to mimic these behaviours.
“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” – W.E.B. Du Bois
The Digital Dilemma
Technology is another area where parental responsibility is crucial. Cyberbullying is a huge problem, and studies show that 95% of incidents start outside school grounds. By the time it reaches the school, the child has already been affected, leaving the school to manage the fallout.
Parents need to:
- Monitor and discuss phone and social media use regularly
- Teach children safe online behaviour and consequences
- Set boundaries and encourage open communication about online experiences
Schools can’t control everything happening in your child’s digital life — it begins at home.
When Big Things Happen
Life isn’t always smooth. Big events like divorce, bullying, moving schools, or loss can amplify emotional reactions. Children without support at home may respond more strongly, and small triggers can feel enormous. That’s why practising emotional regulation daily is so important. Teaching kids healthy ways to manage feelings now gives them tools for the bigger challenges ahead.
Parents Must Take the Lead: The 80/20 Rule
Ultimately, 80% of a child’s upbringing is the parent’s responsibility, and 20% is the school’s role. Parents set the tone for:
80% Parent Responsibility
- Core values & morals: Honesty, empathy, kindness, integrity
- Manners & social skills: Please, thank you, greetings, apologies, sharing, taking turns
- Emotional & behavioural guidance: Managing big emotions, problem-solving, self-control
- Academic support: Homework supervision, routines, interest in schoolwork
- Technology & digital literacy: Monitoring devices, teaching online safety, addressing cyberbullying
- Daily life skills: Hygiene, personal responsibility, time management, chores
20% School Responsibility
- Academic education: Teaching curriculum, structured lessons, assessments
- Social reinforcement: Encouraging teamwork and positive behaviour
- Support & guidance: Helping children with emotional or behavioural challenges
- Supervision & safety: Ensuring safety during school hours and enforcing school rules
Handing over the bulk of upbringing to schools isn’t just unfair to teachers — it’s unfair to your child. Schools are crucial partners, but parents remain the primary role models. By taking active responsibility for manners, values, technology, and emotional development at home, parents equip their children to thrive both at school and in life.
Remember: your actions, guidance, and involvement matter more than any classroom lesson. Parenting is not outsourced; it’s the foundation for the adults our children will become.
